Later the people in the area built a big new temple and I became the choir director. When we built the new temple, we bought a big idol of lord Ayyappa from South India. The priest wanted five unmarried people to lift that idol and carry it into the temple. I was one of them who had the opportunity to bring the idol to its resting place.

That night a thought came to me that I wanted to see the idol one more time. In my usual morning visit to the temple next day, I asked permission to see the idol again. The priest told me that I couldn't go inside. "Why?" I asked. His reply was "Because our God is sitting inside." I asked him again and added my reasoning, "I carried that idol inside last night. How is it that it became God today?" the priest replied, "I chanted some Hindu mantras, so it became our God." That answer really bothered me.
How can man make God?

When I conducted worship service that night in the temple. I could sense that my heart wasn't there. There was a vacuum inside of me, I was longing for the creator. Some of my friends told me that if I wanted to see the real God I should go to Sabarimala with 41 day vratham (abstaining from meat, alcohol and sex). Located far away in South India, you must also walk at least two hours in the jungle to get to Sabarimala. Before you walk, you must bathe in the holy river and go into the temple barefoot, carrying some offering for God.

I will never forget that bath on December 28th at 4.00AM. I even drank some water to clean my inner sins and then I started to walk at 4.30 AM. I finally arrived at the place where I was hoping to meet my God. I gave my offering to the temple and they allowed me to see my God. What I saw inside was an idol. People were throwing money, flowers, rice and pleading to the idols to save them. I got really discouraged and felt tired of worshipping the idol. I wanted to see the Creator of this universe.

I made the journey across our huge country back to North India. I was still a part of the same temple and had become a little more popular because I had visited Sabarimala. It was just like when a Muslim visits Mecca and becomes a haji.

My brother Pushpan was the first person I had known from a Hindu background to become a Christian believer. When he became a Christian, he told everyone at home and they all started to cry. My father asked him to leave our home. I was only four years old.

My mother used to tell me that I had a brother who became a Christian and had to leave because he was a Christian. After a long time when Pushpan was allowed to come home to visit, I could only remember one thing. I used to get up around midnight and find a discussion going on between my brother and my father. They were talking about their God. My father used to ask, "Who is your God? Where is he?"